The hidden root that threads through how successful you are now and your first day at school.

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First day at school!

That strange day after a seemingly never-ending summer when the internet is flooded with pictures of children in bright coloured jumpers and blazers outside their front door squinting at the camera with varying degrees of collaboration and enthusiasm.

Parents sighing a sigh of relief, as they wrestle with a multitude of emotions from relief and pride, to sadness or worry...

I've been through many of these 'firsts'.  And this year's first day was also my middle son's first ever day at his secondary school. It was a much smoother transition than I had expected.

Although there was the one moment when he innocently asked – who’s picking me up and I stared at him blankly as I realised I had only considered getting him there…All was well with his elder brother stepping into pick him up and he is enjoying the new school.

But- I had been worried about him. It’s a big deal,  going to a new place, with new people and getting there and back independently ( which he did after the first day)  One he seemed to sail through thankfully.

Because that is not always the case.  I remember different transitions involving kicking and screaming  and protests.   And I have watched many a tearful clinging child at the school gates over the years.  

My heart always goes out to them. I remember my own shyness and hidden fears at the beginning  of my secondary school journey. I remember being daunted at primary school too.  It’s a transition we all went through and we watch our children go through, often with our heart in our mouths.   And I’m curious about those who struggle more than others.  

What is going on under the surface that means that some sail into a new environment like its an exciting adventure without a care in the world, whilst others are terrified out of their minds? Is it all down to different character traits and what forms those anyway?

I don't know all my answers but what I do know is that in my private work , the first day at school is one of the most common memories that comes up in sessions. Much to their surprise  if they have come to me to work on birth trauma.   Many come to me to work what they know of how they were born because they know there was a traumatic story there and they feel instinctively that it is still holding them back. But many others come to me because they want a new home, a career change ( often to starting their own business based on something they are passionate about) or are searching for their life partner or soul mate.  They feel blocked like it’s never going to happen for them and more often than not there are unexpected levels of fear under a general anxiety.

The anxiety, self doubt, frustrations that come up in these situations are usually a perfect mirror for what their child self went through going to school for the first time.  

Where it gets really interesting is after we have helped their inner child with that transition but the child still feels something- usually loneliness, sometimes a lack of safety, or a sense of terror without a clear reason they can point at.  

Almost always in those cases when we trace it back it leads to a new born baby.  

This is one of the first major transitions in life.  Being born we move to a new home, start a new  type of relationship (with our mother ) and embark on a new ‘career’; (being human )

 And if it didn’t go smoothly, if there is unresolved trauma from those super big transitions, it has a habit of repeating and mirroring throughout our lives whenever we meet with a similar transition.

Our lives are full of transitions big and small, Getting out of bed, getting dressed and out of the door in the morning, are all mini transitions.  Bigger ones, such as moving house or moving town, moving jobs, seeking a new relationship, having children and becoming a parent for the first time come along less often but regularly enough.  

Moving through those transitions often presents some level of challenge. Sometimes we rise to it and move smoothly through to the next stage. Sometimes we get stuck. It doens't matter how small that transition is- e.g. getting dressed in the morning. If we are stuck, we are stuck and its not nice or comfortable. We feel the gap between where we are and where we want to be.  We strive to bridge that gap with various strategies and various degrees of success.

Most people never think back to their birth in any of these situations.  We take for granted that we are here and grown up now. We  were born and we survived. These memories exist but as they were set   before our conscious memory developed,  we barely give them a second thought.  

Yet maybe we should.  I have found that when we have difficulty in our transitions today, when we hesitate or hold back for going for the things we truly want and are calling to us, there is often a link back to those first transitions in life.  

It is these links and the blueprint that we developed as we came into this world   that I will be talking about on Saturday 21st September in my free workshop Discover Your Birth Blueprint. I will be revealing the key moments in  your birth that may still be impacting you in your life today and showcasing some of the transformative work I usually only do with private clients and paid group courses that will help you liberate yourself from the embedded patterns you are used to living.

 I look forwards to seeing you there. It's going to be fun.

Photo by Mike Fox on Unsplash