Category Archives for "Inner Work for giving birth"

Stories, information around subject of healing inner work to get birth you want

Is your Vision Clear for your Confident Birth?

Photo by Josh Cea on Unsplash

Yesterday I tried to offer the cashier in Tesco swimming goggles instead of the club card.

Twice.

In ten minutes.

Maybe she understood what it can be like shopping with a toddler and very full pockets of everything that I may need or definitely don't need but have been given for the last month. I have big pockets.

But it got me thinking about lenses and the work I do. I was thinking about how we all want to see clearly. That sometimes our vision of the world is impaired by the goggles we have on that we have had on so long we forget we even have them on. Perhaps they are a bit cracked or like my children's goggles scratched, leak a bit with a  tendency to steam up easily.

You definitely can't see properly looking through goggles like that. But it's better than the chlorine in the water hurting my eyes. At least while I am in the swimming pool.

But do I need them in the supermarket? And to pay for my groceries?

Obviously not. The analogy for me is how we see life. It's probably obvious before I even explain.

But here goes anyway. If we have a childhood event, long ago that was particularly strong. It affects us strongly. We start to believe something about the world. It has changed how we see, show up and act in the world. We get creative, make strategies to cope and deal with the new information and life goes on.  Over time we forget.

But the once clean lens that we came in with to see the world has got a smudge on it. Enough times of coming up against it in life and it gets scratched even broken.

We begin to believe the world is unfriendly. That we are no good and that maybe it is us who are broken.

We shut down, pull away from the world, stop dreaming.

Has this happened to you? Are you playing smaller than you could? Where in life do you do that?

Sometimes these memories are so ancient that we don't have any conscious memory at all. Our own birth into the world is the big hidden one that is often activated when you start something new, like moving to a new place or starting a new job an of course having a baby yourself.

Our huge first life transition that has impacted each and every one of us profoundly even though few of us remember consciously.

For many of us in the West this would have been a tough, challenging time. Today about 30% of women report some trauma in the birth of their children. If you as a mother are experiencing it so is your child.

This is at the core of the work I do at BirthEssence.

Right now I am focusing a lot of energy on my Birth Blueprint Healing sessions. In these sessions we work together to examine what your own birth reveals about your soul's journey and work to re-imprint any unhelpful patterns that were laid down in your own birth experience. This helps you show up fully , firing on all cylinders no longer holding back on your dreams in life,  This work is for everyone as we have all been born and it is vitally important to do if you are or plan on being a mother.

If you are interested to learn more, check out my events page to see when my next workshop is.


Photo by Josh Cea on Unsplash

What is overriding your intuition costing you?

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

For me ignoring my intuition cost me my computer- my lifeline to my business destroyed in an instant of madness.

For others it is the confident birth experience they dream of and have been planning for months.

How many times have you heard someone say, "I knew. I just knew somewhere inside that something wasn’t right." or "I knew I just knew somehow that it would be ok."

If I had a penny for every time I hear from mothers who intuitively knew before the doctors what was going on with their baby, growing inside their own body, I would be rich. Sadly, many times the story continues with the mother not being believed, leading her to question and doubt her own feelings and sometimes ultimately go along with what she is being recommended against her instincts.

What is upsetting is when the woman feels she has no voice and no confidence to speak up through fear of ridicule, dismissal (not unfortunately an irrational fear at all but that’s for another post) and not trusting her feelings over the other person’s perceived expertise.

Often if it comes to something for the baby’s safety you will persevere, even when you have to push back against deaf ears and eye-rolls. Even if it’s a fight and you hate conflict and normally shy away from all arguments. Because when you know, you know and this is your baby’s life at stake.

But it shouldn’t be so hard and such a fight.  Sometimes, and especially if we know the baby is ok and its our own comfort or dreams that are at stake, we don’t have that confidence to go up against someone who is holding all the perceived authority and information. We downplay our intuition and play it off against our rational logic that says, 'Oh it will be ok, the doctor must know best.'  Or we keep quiet and play along knowing in our hearts that the concern is unnecessary because all is well but not wanting to rock the boat too much.  We end up compromising on what we truly want because it is too scary to go against the flow of the establishment or our friends and family’s beliefs. You diminish your pain and disappointment, rationalising it away with, "at least he is here safe and sound." A sentence that tends to get universal approval from all around as it puts a soft blanket over the uncomfortable feelings and patterns that for another day you will not have to face.  It may make you feel better but doesn’t lift the unacknowledged pain in your inner world where all the programming happens. Where your subconscious reality is running the show. You can’t fool your inner world, just shut it down and numb it out temporarily.

What we can know through intuition is incredible.

Here’s an example from a friend of mine:

B. Furneaux

York

When I was pregnant with my first child I *knew* he wasn’t ready when they wanted to induce me, so I said no. While birthing I also *knew* I was going to tear before I did, I even told them! When I was "overdue" with my second I *knew* she wasn't in the right position not because it felt any different to me, it was just a *knowing*. I booked a local doula to come and rebozo me and she did the most enormous flip (made me feel like I was going to be sick actually) and I went into labour  four hours later and she foetal ejected into the pool 4 and a half hours after that

In this case my friend stayed strong and true to her intuition despite the pressure to be induced both times.  She took action based on her inner knowing. Her conviction and strength meant that her babies came when they were ready and for her second helped her daughter get into a better position for a smooth easy birth.

It is not just what we can know, it is when. There is a recent study conducted on premature infants in Nepal that was looking at benefits of kangaroo care versus their standard care.  A point that came out of this research was that mothers who were carrying their baby with monitors attached at the same time, often knew something was wrong with their baby before the machines did.  They knew before there was anything to measure scientifically.  This is contrary to the common tendency to trust the machines blindly without taking into account the mothers intuition and feelings. Just to be clear I am not saying the machines are always unnecessary or wrong just pointing out a reliance on something that cannot see the whole picture and can only measure what is showing up to be measured. Machines have a certain level of sensitivity and are programmed to measure clearly defined signals. As humans we assess and measure far more and subtle signals and this skill is relatively little understood or trusted.

And the truth is we know. When we tune in we always know.  When we practice and learn to trust this as its own science we can use our instincts as a guide to what steps to take. Whether that be in birth planning and which kind of birth is right for us, or when to transfer, or to ask for checks if something feels wrong, we will get the guidance we need.

The constant overriding our intuition with rational thoughts and downplaying the important role it plays and I would go as far to say the science of intuition makes me scream with frustration. Even and especially when I catch myself doing it still.

 Ignoring that little voice inside is how I come to be writing on a new computer. Ok so having a new computer is super fun, and the old one needed replacing. But having to replace it because I found it swimming in half a pint of water that my two year old had gleefully poured over it and then pointed it out to me -‘look, water mummy,’  is not the way I would have gone about it!

And I knew better.  I knew when I saw him come into the room with a bottle of water that I should take it off him and put it high up and far away. But did I?

No. I didn’t. Surveying the ruins of my computer sadly I checked in with myself with what had been going on inside that caused me to ignore that clear but quiet voice. Firstly I was rushing around trying to juggle too many balls  , work and prepare for the school run at the same time. Point one SLOW DOWN. We all need to hear this. Slow down, take some deep breaths, and then continue mindfully with what you are doing one thing at a time.  

Secondly,  also overrode the wisdom automatically with sneaky fast thoughts that got under my radar and passed through before I noticed partly because I was rushing around.. What i discovered when I slowed it down and unpicked what was going on was interesting. The crazy stories that don’t add up – like 'oh I’m so cool and an experienced mother and I can catch him before he does that and in the nick of time then I will look so good and impress everyone at how good I am.' Seriously.  I see this as some of the crazy ways we internalise the archetype of the good mother which gets really warped when it comes into play with low self esteem issues or similar wounds that so many of us carry,

This is why inner work and exploring what is going on is always worth it. It can be as simple as stopping when you notice you arguing with your intuition , checking in with your immediate resistant thoughts and asking asking if they are true. Often they are so ridiculous you can drop them just like that.

 Other times you may need to take out your tool box and do some deeper enquiry and clearing work.  There’s always in my experience some kind of version of a wounded part acting out whenever something like this happens where there is a clear intuitive hit or guidance then you don’t follow it. When you check in with what is going on at a deeper level you have an opportunity to clear out the saboteurs, to  heal the wounds. This leads to the freedom and confidence that will allow you to heed that voice and act on it.

In the words of my friend:

B. Furneaux

York

Always listen to your body. Never "rationalise" those feelings. I never believed it when I was told in hypnobirthing that I would just *know*. I was a first time mum, I thought I knew nothing but I couldn't have been more wrong.


 You do know. I really want you to hear that. You know, and your concerns always matter. Your intuition matters and you have the right to be heard.

There is one more step to this- Practice. You will have heard the phrase practice makes perfect right?  It’s true of course. Practice builds your intuition muscle.  Practice on smaller things, have some fun and then when the chips are down you will have built a new habit that will serve you well as you come to stand by the birth you want.

Let’s give it a go right now. You may place your hand on your heart or your womb and intentionally connect to the wisdom there. We are so used to going to our brain and mind for information. In some cases this is a perfect place. Finding our way for example, remembering the shopping. But when it comes to making decisions, we always make them from an emotional basis in the end.

So, place your hand over your heart or womb and ask a question. Wait to hear what answer you get. It may be in pictures or feelings, it may be in words or just that inner knowing. Notice how it shows for you as this is your inner language you are learning. This is how your body talks to you. It is different for everyone.

Intuition and the role it plays in preparing for your birth  is just one of the subjects we are talking about in the Free Online Birth Confidence Summit that is running for 30 days from 1st of November.  

Note: You can now listen to the interviews from this Summit here


( Photo credit Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash)

It’s not just the computer! Finding relief from overwhelm with NPA.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Let me tell you a story about overwhelm.  A true story.  And one in which you may recognise if not yourself...then someone like you!

 It starts with me staring at the computer screen biting back the tears. Telling myself to hold it together, that maybe it will work this time…. But No. My plugins won’t update and until they do I can’t write anything on my website.

The dam bursts and I can’t hold it in anymore. I am gulping with enormous sobs as I break down completely.  I have been trying fruitlessly for two hours to update my plugins.  The ‘idiots guide’ my brother created for me is not idiot enough for me I think despairingly. I am trying to cry and not wake the baby at the same time, I sound like a strangled pig and even if I don’t wake him I have 15 minutes left until the school run anyway. 

My brother comes to the rescue and fixes what took me two hours to fail at in about ten minutes. His kindness overwhelms me further. My heart is breaking. My mind is in overdrive telling me how I’ve wasted this precious time. The precious time I have precious little of these days.  A blip like this derails my whole schedule.

 I must look crazy from the outside I think, getting this upset over such a small detail that is now fixed. I try to reassure myself that it will be ok. Tomorrow is another day. But the less kind inner critic is having a field day. Perhaps she hopes to solve my problems by demoralizing me further but it just adds to the overwhelm bearing down on me from all sides.

Right now, in the thick of it the pain is all consuming.  Acute and raw.  I cry and I cry.  I can’t do anything else but cry. And this is how it is. A small seemingly trivial event that has even been resolved has the power to tip me over the edge into despair. A pit from which I can see no solutions only hardship. A dark place of sadness where I secretly believe myself to be completely useless and no good to anyone.  The way I am feeling bears no resemblance to the size of the fairly ordinary event.

I feel trapped. No way out, nothing I can do, panicking as time ticking loudly and ominously away reminding me of all I’ve not done yet.

Except there is one thing I can do. One thing I know to do. The NPA Process.

So I take overwhelm through the words to the NPA Process ( a simple 6 line spoken word process that you can find here)

I say the words and I sit allowing my experience of the energy of overwhelm to unfold with the gentle support of the NPA energy.

Relief floods my body. “It’s not just the computer” I say out loud and I start laughing. In a nice way.

Somehow the simple statement that it is not just the computer that is causing me to feel overwhelm has the power to unlock the whole thing. I feel the tension and stress flowing out of me. I see myself at the centre of a misty landscape surrounded by all the important people and jobs in my life. I can clearly see how much I have going on and why I have ended up in such a state of overwhelm. Anyone would. It is not because I am more useless than anyone else. It is because I have so much going on and I fell into the trap of pushing relentlessly to get it all done. Telling myself it had to be now and this way caused me to feel like the world was ending when life had other ideas.  Too much self induced pressure. Rigidity.

As I continued to watch space began to open up around me. The events had space around them and from me. I could breathe again and felt myself relax.   Somehow this simple process has caused me to see I am overwhelmed and I am still ok.

I sit some more. Witnessing the experience.

Then it is gone.   Just like that.  I am no longer overwhelmed. 

I have just as much to do and no idea how I will make it work but it no longer has the power to crush me. I am OK, I know everything is going to be ok and its time to pick my kids up.

So I gather up my son, dirty nappy no shoes and all and leave overwhelm behind. I let the relief carry me up the hill instead. I feel free, clean, empty. Even though my son yanks my hair hard and continuously yelling goal each time I am ok, Tomorrow really is another day and for today I am ok.  This is the simple power of NPA.

So what does this story have to do with pregnancy and preparing for birth?

Well the last time and on a few occasions previously that I got to this point of overwhelm, where the slightest issue could trigger a complete break down, I was pregnant. 

Now you are pregnant you have just added a whole new level of activity to your daily life, that goes on under the surface 24/7. As it carries on without your conscious input it is easy to be slightly less than conscious with how we treat our hard working bodies. We keep going. We push our bodies and our selves to keep going at the same pace we did before we were pregnant. We try to be superwoman.

But creating a new human being takes some serious energy expenditure and as with our financial budgets what goes out has to be balanced with what comes in. When we don’t do that, when we don’t take extra time and space for self care, overwhelm and exhaustion are soon to be found tagging along at our heels.

When we are pregnant we are different in other ways too. More emotional. More vulnerable. More intuitive.  These are all qualities that enrich our connection in pregnancy and support us to grow our baby. And they are all the qualities that are not particularly valued in a world that prioritises the masculine experience. A paradigm that expects constant output in a steady rhythm regardless. A paradigm that does not take account of our fluctuating rhythms. That shames our emotionality and vulnerability. That does not understand intuitive knowing and prefers scientific facts that can be measured.

So we succumb to the status quo and to the ancient, unconscious conditioning that our lives run on.  We accept the pressure to keep going and not complain. We hold it together like we have been doing for centuries. Too often we leave ourselves and our needs to last or even out of the equation altogether. Until we reach breaking point as I did at the computer.

My question to you is do you recognise yourself in my story? Do any parts of it hit you on some level?

Perhaps you have been getting into a state over what your inner critic says are just small events that you should just get over and get on with it.

Perhaps you are finding yourself arriving home from work too exhausted to do more than put your (swollen) ankles up on the sofa? Falling asleep to wake ( if you are lucky enough to get unbroken sleep) to start the whole cycle over again.  But you have not had the time to reflect on the craziness of this and make a change and in the mean time is flying by.

Perhaps you are shy to admit you are struggling, Perhaps you have not noticed as you keep going relentlessly, feeling guilty to ask for more breaks or rest time ‘just’ because you are pregnant.

These are all signs. Hints by your body, by the universe, by your soul that you need to make a change. If you have not noticed that you are running on empty and you are still running, running running…. It is time to stop and re-evaluate your priorities.

My invitation to you today is to stop. Take a little time to enquire of yourself? Am I looking after myself, am I honouring this body and this pregnancy? Ask your body how she is doing and what she needs. Then take her advice.  Take some time this week to do something different, something restful and regenerative just for you.  Just because.

Please feel free to comment and tell me what you choose to do. I would love to hear and celebrate with you.

If this story has awoken your curiosity in NPA , (the incredibly useful and versatile tool that helped me shift quickly out of overwhelm mode into a kinder, gentler state in which ironically much more is getting done with less effort) then please check out this ( affiliate) link where you can download the  NPA Process sheet for free and have a go yourself.

Feeling stressed, overwhelmed or burnt out and want to take some direct action with personalised support?

My birth confidence Sessions are best for you if know your life is too busy and you are suffering from overwhelm or burn out but you can't bring yourself to make the changes you need on your own.  Deep transformation awaits for you if you choose to invest in this option.

I will be back next week with more on the theme of overwhelm and what to do if you recognise you are either in overwhelm or fast heading towards breaking point.

Guest Post: How to transform your birth experience from the inside out, by Dr. Gulara Vincent.

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Today I welcome writer and law lecturer Dr Gulara Vincent to the BirthEssence Blog with a guest post about how completing unfinished business helped her transform her birth experience.

‘Unfinished business’ from the past can block your dreams. I learnt this lesson the hard-way through childbirth, and here’s how my journey began.

In November 2012, I was attending a Journey reunion in Birmingham. I was really into the Journey, a method of cellular healing developed by Brandon Bays, and these meetings gave me an opportunity to meet other people who knew this method too. We took turns to swap and give each other some free support. Each meeting had a practitioner who told us about their Journey path: what brought them here and how the Journey transformed their lives. As I sat on a chair listening to the speaker that day, I stroked my belly feeling slight movements of my baby. I was 18 weeks pregnant with a long-awaited baby. The speaker’s voice soothed me, and watching her face framed with long dark hair, I softened in response.

That speaker was Charlotte Kanyi.

I am not going to recount her story here because it’s hers to tell, but it touched me so much that I approached her during the break and started talking about her business. I had seen her business cards on the stalls during every re-union, and even took it home on one or two occasions, but never dared to speak to her before.

‘I have some anxiety around childbirth,’ I said. By then I’d been attending workshops in Stroud to do some ‘birth works’, a process which explored our own birth experience and also explained how birth impacts the child. It was in one of those workshops that the facilitator explained that women who have past sexual trauma may struggle giving birth naturally. The cells remember the invasion and may clamp up in response to the pain caused by a child trying to exit. To me, this was not the time to deal with past sexual trauma. My focus was on delivering my baby into the world, not dwelling on painful memories. It was better left untouched for now, I told myself, even though deep down I was still worried that past trauma can impact my chances of giving birth as naturally as possible.

‘I’d like to have a session before I give birth,’ I said to Charlotte tentatively.

‘If there’s anxiety, it’s best to clear it sooner than later. You don’t want to carry it throughout your pregnancy because the baby is aware of it too,’ she said.

Her words made sense, but I didn’t follow her advice on that day.

Soon enough though, life presented me with plenty more worries. I was classed as ‘high risk’ and a consultant at the Women’s Hospital saw me every two weeks. Each time, he looked for what was wrong. And of course, if you look hard enough, there’s always something to find.

‘Your baby’s head is quite big, and this is a big baby,’ the consultant said every time I met him. ‘You may need to deliver via C-section. And there seems to be too much liquid around the baby. We may need to pass tubes through his nose to make sure that his lungs are free and he can breathe properly.’

The idea of tubes being passed through the nose of my new-born baby was so distressing that I found Charlotte’s card and gave her a call. A few days later, I was sitting on a couch in her front room shaking uncontrollably as an avalanche of memories overwhelmed me. By the end of the session, I felt calmer and more at peace. Miraculously, the next time I saw the consultant, he said that the liquid levels around the baby were normal and there was no need for intervention.

I started seeing Charlotte regularly. Life kept throwing at me opportunities for distress growth. I was severely traumatised by the intervention of midwives during the induction, and the emergency C-section left me reeling with disappointment. I cried for days after the birth, and all the stress and tension culminated in two painful episodes of mastitis. I worried about everything all the time. The more I worked with Charlotte, the lighter I felt.

A little over a year later, I was pregnant again. This time, I had no second thoughts about diving in at the deep end to clear any ‘unfinished business’ which could impact my pregnancy and delivery. We worked to clear my past sexual trauma; the trauma caused by my son’s birth; fears around speaking up and standing up for myself when I was at the Women’s Hospital – the list went on and on. I remember vividly the first time Charlotte suggested that I could refuse to follow medical advice and even have a homebirth. Horrified at the idea, I gawked at her ready to run for my life. It took one session to clear that fear, and I came to realise that a home birth was the best option for me. I hired a doula and the home birth team at the Women’s Hospital transformed my experience of the last pregnancy and childbirth – there were no invasive scans with consultants looking for faults. Instead, there was a team of gentle loving women who saw natural birth after C-section as absolutely normal and even desirable. I felt like I had a personal cheering squad and their love and support were healing and nourishing.

When the big day arrived and I went into labour on the due date, I had a birthing pool in my front room. The birth team came to support me and my husband was there to hold me in the water. My labour was beautiful, almost ecstatic, and although I ended up having another emergency C-section, the birth experience itself was at the opposite end of the spectrum to my son’s birth; I was calm, confident, supported and in control.

In short, I’m living testament that when we shed off our emotional baggage, our experiences transform. Childbirth is no exception.

Dr Gulara Vincent is a writer, university law lecturer and a Momentum Mentor for Writers. When not writing or teaching, she helps women writers to release their inner fears and emotional blocks so that they can have a successful writing career.

You can connect with her at www.gularavincent.com, visit her facebook page or Twitter account @gulara_vincent.

Do you feel worthy to become a mother?

“Do you have a message for me?” I asked through my tears and grief.

“Remember,” she smiled. “Remember you are this too… “

I took a deep breath. Something in my brain couldn’t quite compute this message.

Me? Could I really be this too?

I was connecting with my unborn baby and she had just said good bye. She was not to be born in physical form - this time at least. Though I was reeling with the shock and pain I was hugely comforted by her presence. She was so gentle and loving. I felt her to be a wise sacred being and I was in total awe of her Divine Presence. No way was I Divine and Sacred like that.

But she smiled, she nodded and as I in a confused state of shock, hesitantly and reluctantly accepted her message, it was time for her to leave.

She’d made herself known with the same gentle wisdom even before I was pregnant. During a specific guided process, I had met her across a bridge. A small girl who nevertheless packed a huge punch in the sacred presence department that left me blasted wide open in love.

This is the energy of the future I reflected later. These are the children we are welcoming to the planet right now, this is part of the evolution of humanity, the consciousness that wants to be born on this planet at this time.  Amazing.

And she was ready to come to me.  I was delighted and quite blown away. I felt my heart open with love each time I remembered that first meeting... But did I feel worthy? Was I equally ready for her to come to me?

She came anyway. I knew it before the lines on the stick confirmed it to me. So I set about preparing for her arrival. For me that is always at least as much about the inner work as the practical. When I align my inner world the outer journey is always an easier ride.

But it wasn’t to be.

One day shy of 15 weeks I began to bleed. Two days later a scan confirmed what I already knew; they were very sorry but there was no heartbeat.

The next few weeks were a blur in many ways. Ordinary life continued as I waited for the miscarriage to complete. First the denial phase of the grief process. Perhaps I could magic her back to life. Perhaps it hadn’t really happened and the scan was wrong… Crazy thoughts. The grief came in waves. In those moments I would surrender to the emotion. My heart breaking, my existence consumed by one long scream of pain.

Yet into my raw and wounded heart, and through the confusion of overwhelming and conflicting emotions, her parting message kept niggling at me. I had accepted her message and its powerful energy so wanted to come alive in me. But as yet I could not fully believe it and everything that was not in alignment with it was being thrown up my way.

Which would win out? Well it was a tough ride. Truthfully I did not feel equal. I did not feel worthy to be her mother. In fact, I felt totally unworthy to carry such a child. I felt I was the bottom of the heap, way, way lower than her in some kind of spiritual hierarchy. I was nothing in comparison.

As I worked my way through my unworthiness I saw the scale of this problem. How so many women put themselves last. How so many neglect their own needs and sacrifice themselves for their families. How this unworthy pattern plays out in a myriad of different ways for women and how it cannot continue as we welcome in the next generation of children. Of course there is a paradox. Just because we don’t believe we are worthy or equal doesn’t make that true but if we don’t believe it how can we live it? How can we effect the changes we want to see in the world? And how will it impact those who are coming in if they have to wade through a foggy energy field of unworthiness?

I started out totally unable to fathom that I could be a soul of equal worth to my child and that we had an agreement between equals. Deeper and deeper I spiralled into the layers of how I didn’t feel worthy until at last I broke through into the spacious knowing that I was equally worthy and Divine as she.

Different yes. I am me and I came earlier. My energy is different to hers. But different no longer meant lesser. Prior to this I could spout along with the best of them about how we are all equal even if different without fully believing it was true for me. Now I got it at a deeper, visceral level. There was a knowing that could not be shaken.

It also feels timely. After centuries of oppression women are indeed rising up and speaking out, calling for change. A new feminine power is forming. One which I hope will not alienate or suppress a true masculine power but complement each other in a rising dance of spirit. It is time for us all to rediscover and embody our full worth as women, as human beings and as mothers. For ourselves and for our children, It IS time. And there is no time to waste.

Already I am noticing profound differences in how I am showing up. I am peaceful inside and less triggered by my children being children. There is a joy in being alive bubbling up that I can tune into. I don’t have to constantly prove myself so there is less push. That has been reflected back to me by others. My voice has changed. Clients go deeper more quickly and with less efforting on my part. My son keeps coming and hugging me.

So in the end although I wouldn’t have chosen this path to self-worth I am deeply grateful for the gift of this pregnancy and birth. It has been a powerfully transformative rite of passage just as a live birth would have been and I am looking forward to watching the shifts continue over the next weeks and months.

If you have experienced miscarriage and want to clear your cells and being of loss and grief before you welcome your baby. Or if you can feel something holding you back from being the mother you really want then do check out my 121 services where I support women like you to release stored trauma and pain and birth in confidence.

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What if I can’t cope with the pain of labour?

Photo by Jernej Graj on Unsplash

'What are you doing? Come back to bed.' I dimly register the plaintive plea from my sleepy and confused son, but replying is difficult.

“I can’t, it hurts.” I manage in reply.

In fact, ‘it hurts’ is a massive understatement. Lying next to him was excruciating and it is barely better now I am standing by the bed. It was some time past 11pm and he’d woken twice already sensing something unusual. Each time I lay down he closed his eyes, instantly soothed. I meanwhile gritted my teeth and willed myself, against all my instincts, to stay still just a little longer, in the hope he would sleep deeply enough not to be disturbed when I got back up.

The third time I couldn’t do it. I got up and started walking, pacing the room with giant strides back and forth, back and forth as fast as I could.

It helped. I breathed more easily.

Then another wave of pain swept over and through me. I kept breathing. But I felt myself tense, involuntarily bending forwards to meet the rising sensations and hearing panic give voice to suddenly fearful thoughts.

Red hot searing pain for a minute of eternity and the words ‘What if I can’t cope?’

‘I can’t not cope,’ the internal dialogue continued, ‘This is what I do for a living, helping other women find inner confidence and trust in their body so they have amazing birth experiences. I have to succeed. Otherwise I will be a total fraud.’

With the panic, came guilt shame and crashing realisations. ‘Now I get it. Now I understand why some women beg for epidurals, caesareans, anything to take the pain away.’ I felt myself tumbling down from my superiority into humility, appreciation and empathy.

But still the fear and panic persisted with the refrain, ‘What if I can’t cope, what if I really can’t do this?’

There is a brief pause between contractions and in the respite I resume walking but a little slower. I have remembered what I forgot during my first birth- The NPA Process. NPA stands for Non Personal Awareness and it’s a simple 6 line process that can facilitate huge shifts quickly and easily.

The time is definitely ripe for some big shifts and I know exactly where to begin.

‘This scared I can’t cope, I say out loud . This energy of Scared I can’t cope…’

My son watched silently, slightly perplexed as I completed the sixth line and my walking slowed to some moments of stillness. I felt myself falling into the centre of myself. Around me the energy swirled and eddied. Reality rearranged itself.

A new wave of contractions starts.

Physically it is exactly as before. I am half doubled over in pain equally as intense as before.

This time though I emerge grinning in delight. For the next few contractions, although nothing at all about the level of pain has changed I am practically skipping for joy around my room. I no longer need to frantically pace either. Time has slowed and I have slowed with it.

So what happened?

In just a few moments my whole perspective on what was happening changed. The fear left me as my question was answered. I now knew that I could cope. I knew. Not hoped, or guessed, or rationalised or tried to talk myself into a state of positivity or self belief that I wasn't feeling. I knew from the depths of my being, from the marrow in my bone. From my heart and soul and back again I knew I could do it.

This was a true knowing that could only be experienced. It was not forced or rationalised. I did not have to give myself pep talks and remind myself of the historical statistics of successful births and the biological normality of what I was doing. I did not need to engage my neocortex and rational brain for support.

I could truly let go and trust in something so much more simple than that.

In this simplicity all the head talk and pressure evaporated along with the fear and I moved into the experience. Like in my previous post on experiencing fear in the context of trust I was now held in the context of knowing I would cope and all was well. Note: not could cope but would cope. It was a done deal that I couldn't argue with. So I didn't argue or question. All drama in the situation had left along with my doubts.

This whole doubting, worrying, panicking consciousness in fact left with as little drama as you might move from one room to another in your house. Which is in fact exactly what I did.

I moved to the bathroom and although I didn’t register it at the time the pain did finally diminish.

By the time I was pushing it was gone completely.

Although the pain left, the best gift was precisely that the pain didn't disappear immediately. That was my big agenda right. That was what I thought I needed to happen in order for all to be well. That would be success.  I wanted to be proud of my pain free achievement and paint some credibility over my insecurities and self-doubts as a birth worker.

That the level of pain had become largely irrelevant and didn't matter to me any  more was pure freedom. That I'm writing about it now, 2 years and 9 months on feels apt as Freedom is my word of the year for 2016.

There was another shift that happened in that moment too. Surrendering fully to the energy shift of that one NPA Process, (the only one I did in my whole labour,) paved the way for me to let go of all my remaining ideas of how the birth should go and allow the labour dance to unfold in its own way. Which was a good thing as I was plugged into the strongest most exhilarating flow of life force energy I have ever experienced. Like being wired up to the National Grid or perhaps holding a lightning rod as the lightning strikes. I would not have liked to have been trying to control or manage that against its will.

This surrender and letting go of the need to control how my life experiences and feelings show up is also part of my journey in freedom. Just thinking about that brings joy singing to the surface. It sounds like the song of my soul. And I hope you hear her song in my words and in her song you hear your own song and that this post sets off some inspirational shifts in your own journey.

Do let me know in the comments.

Curious to know more about The NPA Process and how it could help you?  Please click here.  

Or you can download   The NPA Process Sheet FREE here and get stuck in straight away.

 ( Links to NPA Process are Affiliate Links)

CLick on the links for more information about my transformational 121 work and Birth Confidence Package.

Fear in the context of trust: Expand your focus to ease your way through difficult emotions.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

I am on the toilet. Time is meaningless to me. I have danced too far along the path to meet my baby to be completely rational. Only thing is, neither me nor my husband have quite caught up to fast pace of my baby’s arrival…He is about to trot off to try and put the pool up. I am about to have the baby in the timeless eternity that has inserted itself into about 15 or 20 ordinary minutes.

As I said I am on the toilet. I won’t go into detail but to say that it is an intense experience is an understatement.

For a moment I begin to panic. What is happening to my body? Is this normal? How can so much power be coming through this small person? Will I cope? My mind was worried for me and the concerned thoughts were triggering more layers of anxiety… Oh OK then, more like terror, that hovered just on the edge of my awareness threatening to take over.

But wait there was something else too. I changed focus to my body. Instead of floating terror there was a grounded peace. It was pale yellow and surrounded me on all sides, present both inside and out. My body actually wasn't touched by the fearful thought, it was just getting on with its job and was completely confident. All was well.

Now I had a choice. Did I reside in the terror and let it take me, or did I allow the peace to breathe me. For a few minutes there was a bit of to and fro movement.

Then I made the choice. Or the choice made me. My heart opened up in gratitude and softened in the peaceful energy. My body began to push and I started roaring like a lion.

I realized as I journalled later that it didn't matter that I felt terror because I was bathing in a different energy that was so strong and confident that it could hold the terror. This was my fear being held in the energy of confidence and peace. As long as I tuned into this greater awareness that was holding me I was OK. It was more than OK. It was liberating. I could allow all of my experience to flow through, even the tricky, so called negative emotions.

This gift of being held in a wider perspective that could hold my less desirable emotions was revealed to me through a tool called The NPA Process. The NPA Process is a deceptively simple 6 line spoken-word transformational tool created by Joel Young that helps you let go of blocks and powerfully shift your consciousness.

It was during a practice session on an NPA Community Call that I first experienced the power of accessing a different context in which to allow something challenging to be fully met. Fear rose up strongly in me during the call and I thought I wanted the fear to go. To disappear and leave me alone so I could experience something more fun, more pleasant, like say peace or joy and also get the satisfaction of feeling, Yes I've cracked it and got rid of my fear… Nope. Like mist lingering in the lower reaches of a valley untouched by the rising sun the fear persisted, heavy in my stomach, rubbing up against my shoulders, gripping me by the chest.

I was about to be disappointed and frustrated when the shift happened. I suddenly felt trust. A deep powerful trust in life and in the process. I trusted that I would be OK even with fear present. It felt like angels whispering in my ear that  all was well. It felt like a reassurance I could believe in, that I could depend on and.,. well that I could trust. This was fear in the context of trust.

It was slightly surreal to feel both simultaneously, but was a greater gift in the long term than getting rid of the fear would have been. It meant I no longer had to be so scared of feeling fear. It meant I didn’t have to wipe out every last drop of fear from my being to be sure I would be successful. It meant I could live in peace with fear and hear her gentle messages and the wisdom she was paradoxically guiding me towards.

It also gave me choice when fear came up and this certainly served me giving birth. No matter how much emotional preparation we do for birth, (and I did lots), it is impossible to predict what may happen and to what depths of your soul the labour dance may take you. Knowing I was held at every moment and could choose where to put my attention was reassuring to the doubting, worried parts of me that weren't up to speed with the all is well nature of my birth experience.

Back to the toilet. Fear and terror didn't stay there for long in the end and neither did I. As I focused on trust and peace, the space opened up around me and I opened up with it. Gradually the fear dissipated on her own and I moved to the shower.

Somewhere along the three steps it took, (we have a small bathroom,) another shift happened. Those three steps danced me too far along the labour dance to listen to my mind anymore and I just kind of got on with it with no more drama or story. I finally accepted what was happening and quietly dropped down into my womb and went to meet my baby.

We welcomed my second baby into this world right there in our small bathroom! Below is a picture of the cheeky chappie a couple of years later ( he didn't want his baby picture of him in the shower on the internet)

Gorgeous Gatecrasher to my photoshoot

Want to learn more about the transformational power of NPA?  Click here* to read all about The Process, or try it out for youself with this FREE NPA Process Sheet*

(affiliate links*)

If you are plagued by fear and would like to experience some shifts of your own check out my 1:1 services or book a clarity call to see how I can help you.

The long lasting power of regular repetition: Inspiration to keep you going when you’d rather give up.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

In my last post at the beginning of 2016 I created a gift for you; a guided visualisation to support you to replenish your energy in a sustainable way and to remain strong and centred in your own energy field. ( If you haven’t listened yet then I recommend you hop over and check it out, it's just ten minutes long and several people have told me how much they enjoyed it) This post illustrates the benefits of repetition and regular listening and demonstrates how long lasting the positive effects can be.

As I write, January is drawing to a close already and the New year is not so new any more. This is the typical time when New Year’s resolutions fall away, old habits creep back in and before you know it you’ve abandoned your new routine and slipped back into a default pattern. Repetition is powerful and eventually creates deep grooves that are easy to maintain. It can be easy to fall by the wayside though as you struggle to maintain a new pattern. In this post I wish to inspire and encourage you to keep going by sharing a story that illustrates the power of repetition and the rewards of putting the effort in now. My break through came at a point when I was heavily pregnant with my second son and panicking over the possibility of losing my desired birth experience to medical issues.

The back story.

When I was pregnant with my first I found the energy of being pregnant a little like New Year. Knowing I had another soul to care for who was totally dependent on me galvanised me into action, to improve my diet, exercise, meditate. I felt like I had a fresh new start and second chance to start over where I had fallen behind on my resolutions and good intentions.

I threw myself into hypnobirthing CDs and downloads and Pregnancy Yoga DVD’s. I would have gone to classes but I couldn't find any that worked with my schedule. Instead I made a 2 hour playlist of hypnobirthing, guided visualisations and healing chants. I played it every night, sometimes on repeat at a very low volume. Whenever I felt nervous or worried I would play one of my CDs, do some Yoga Nidra or go out for a walk. I always felt better afterwards. In addition to this I did plenty of inner work on any issues that came up.

Sometimes I thought I may be going a bit overboard, but I kept going.

I felt an inner pull, a strong soul urge towards the deep inner work and whatever could support me in birthing at home the way I dreamed. By the time I came to give birth I was excited and confident even though I was nervous at the grand adventure and newness of welcoming my baby to earth.

All my efforts paid off and I had a wonderful home water birth which I have written a little about here.

Fast forward 3 years

I was preparing to welcome my second. Throughout the pregnancy I kept up with the inner work with 1:1 processes and the yoga practice, but I let the additional ongoing regular support that the hypnobirthing cds had offered me slide. I kept meaning to set up a playlist and listen and then forgetting. Life was busy with a toddler and I eventually forgot completely.

Then one day I had a high blood pressure reading at my midwife appointment. She tried again, it was worse. A third time even worse, which was no surprise as I was panicking and so, apologetically, she sent me in to the hospital be checked. Over the next few days I was checked, including on a 24 hour blood pressure cuff that activates every 30 minutes.  This revealed what I instinctively felt.  At home my blood pressure was fine, on testing and at hospital it rose.  All other tests were clear. I was given the all clear to carry on with my plans

The thing was the whole incident had left me in a state of panic that I couldn't quite shift. I felt the fear as pressure in my head and then would worry that maybe although the last reading was OK , perhaps now it had gone up again and something was wrong. What if, what if, what if…. I talked myself down.  I went for a walk. The fear and panic remained hovering on the edges of my consciousness and I couldn't relax. My BP readings were all over the place as I tried to calm myself.

 I went to stay with my parents to try and relax. 

At my parents I suddenly had a flash of inspiration. One of those that feels like the whispers of Angels directly into my heart.  One where I know even before I act on the impulse that here is the answer. One where I just know… I got out my favourite track from my first pregnancy Fear release: flying high, settled back and pressed play.

Even though I had been following such a strong impulse I was still taken aback by what happened. With the first few notes of music and opening lines I dropped straight into a deep relaxation. The whole burden of worry just slipped right off me. I was transported back to the days before my first son’s birth and the joy of his actual birth experience too.

Like a direct download into my cells, into the space created by the deep relaxation I knew everything was OK and would be OK. The pressure that was pounding the inside of my head faded away. I was touched deeply by the activation of such a strong body memory and the strength of it carried me for my final few weeks. I was also motivated to finally make a playlist again and take the little actions I had been putting off.

When the time came I once again gave birth at home, this time on land and you can read more about that here.

This incident brought a few wise truths home to me.

1. The power of repetition. Everyone says it right? You do a hypnobirthing class or any other class for that matter and that starts you off, but it's the continued work you do at home that really makes the difference. In my case the association was so strong that three years later it still had the power in a matter of seconds, to completely shift my state of being from fear and worry to relief, confidence and joy.

2. It is never too late to make a start or to change your perspective. All of this happened in the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy.

3. The universe is friendly and wants you to succeed no matter what it looks or feels like to you now. There are answers waiting to find you and they are often simple and under your nose.

4. Even though simple they still need to be actioned to work. The hardest part may be getting started. Or it may be starting over when you fall off the wagon.  But every day, every moment you get a second chance. Nothing is lost, nothing is wasted.

5. No matter how busy I was there was always time and it was easier than I thought to start again and incorporate the CDs back into my life. Even with a toddler and a business I found some time, I just needed to get creative.   In bed before I awoke and my favourite, on low on repeat at sleep time. Sometimes I would listen to one at normal volume then when I felt sleepy turn the volume right down so I could barely hear it. I knew that this would not disturb my sleep but my subconscious would still be able to hear and it would work its magic as I slept.

Still now I sometimes listen  to the track and it helps me. I also created my own fear release track to support my clients and readers to move from fear to confidence. ( If you haven't listened to it yet and are interested then go here to access both this and the New Year's Gift Guided Visualisation in one go.) I hope you enjoyed this post and are inspired to listen to something that uplifts and supports you.

Below are links to the tracks I listened to in pregnancy and other resources I mention in the post. (This is not an exhaustive list, just what I used but are a good place to start.)

I would love to hear from you. How do you keep on track and keep your momentum going? What success stories would you like to share?

Resource List.

Fear Release Flying High, the track that caused my dramatic shift is available from their Positive Birth Website  When I was pregnant there was just a beautiful selection of tracks. These are still available individually or in packs and they have added a  whole hypnobirthing package. ( Note I cannot find a current link for where to purchase or acknowledge the creator of this track - If I do I will update)

Natal hypnotherapy provides a comprehensive range of hypnobirthing, relaxing and fear release materials that I really enjoyed.

Inner talk make relaxing music or nature sounds with subliminal postive affirmations embedded in the sound.They do one called Comfortable Pregnancy and one called Wonders of Childbirth. 

BuddhaBellies - Yoga for Pregnancy DVD

This was my favourite Yoga DVD with three routines for Beginner, Intermediate and advanced ( or early through to late pregnancy depending how you felt)

Mantras for Precarious Times

Beautiful voice and chanting specific chants to help you through difficulties including one that is said to support the coming in of high vibration children.

Unity Partner Yoga for Pregnancy.

Most suitable for those who have some experience of Yoga. Perfect to connect with your partner or birth partner and a wonderful Yoga Nidra track for deep relaxation too.

Disclaimer

I share my personal story to inspire and encourage you to follow your dreams and desires. I do not guarantee any particular results from listening to these CDs ( though I do recommend them, hypnobirthing in general and inner work to clear out what may be blocking you.) And, It is obvious I know but hypnobirthing CDs are not a substitute for medical support and should you have any concerns about you or your baby’s well being please contact your midwife or care provider.

New Year Gift: Guided Visualisation to Replenish Your Energy.

Photo by Wil Stewart on Unsplash

In the relative calm of these last few days of the year after the whirlwind of Christmas I am reflective. The New Year is nearly here. I can feel the freshness approaching and I want to offer myself and you a gift to mark the beginning of the approaching fresh new adventures. Something both beautiful and useful. Something quick and simple that is easy to fit into a busy life.

2015 was a year of growth and challenges. Of breaking through my comfort zone over and over. I was glad of my self care routine and guided visualisations even if I had to press reset several times when my practice slipped. As a busy mother of young children I am always glad of ways to increase my energy levels.

With that aim, I have created a short ( 10 minute) guided visualisation that will help replenish your energy levels and support you in maintaining healthy boundaries.  Click below to download an audio recording  or keep reading for  how to instructions to do by yourself.

This gift was inspired by a chat with a fellow birthworker who described how she sometimes felt drained after spending time with a client who needed a lot of support. She so wanted to help her and make a difference but found herself being pulled into the situation, her energy sapped until she had nothing left to give.

I related as I also, despite the many tools I have at my disposal sometimes forget and find myself overwhelmed with extreme fatigue due to lack of sleep and lack of self care. It’s usually my children who trigger this pattern. This guided visualisation is also my gift to myself to mark my commitment to build on my own self care routine, looking after myself with the same attention and dedication I show my children until it becomes automatic.

It’s a common scenario, not just for birth workers but for all of us. We care so much for the loved ones in our lives, we do our best to give everything of ourselves and we forget to offer the same level of dedicated care and nurturing to ourselves.

Holiday periods such as Christmas can amplify this kind of tendency to give and give until we drop. It tends to highlight any holes in your self care as many people gather together.

 Pregnancy is another potential straw for the camel's back if you have any gaps in healthy boundaries and self care routine.

 As someone who is very sensitive to the energy of others already when I was pregnant my heightened awareness of mood and atmosphere was particularly strong and I needed to make a regular practice of clearing my energy field, grounding to a more solid Earth energy and honouring how I was feeling and the job I was doing to bring my children to the world.

I still need to do this and as I said I sometimes forget, or use the endless to do lists in an every shrinking window of time as an excuse to put it off. But although as a mother of young children I can no longer dedicate long hours in a single block of time for meditation and quiet time as often as I would like I am no longer willing to use this as an excuse for no self care at all.

Guided visualisations are one of my favourite tools to help me to remain centred, grounded and calm whilst being engaged with people, sometimes in busy, noisy environments that bombard my senses. Remaining calm and centred when all around you is chaos or there are multiple demands on your time and energy is a great skill to cultivate for everyone.

This guided visualisation will help you to align yourself with the Mothering Energy of the Earth and the Universal Life Force Energy. With practice you will be able to access this in an instant and shift your mindset and subsequently your energy levels very quickly. It is particularly beneficial whilst pregnant to maintain a stable stress free environment for your growing baby. I use this quided visualisation before any healing session or when I will be in a situation with a lot of people or other challenging situation. It will support you to give your all without being depleted.

Summary of benefits:

  • Protects you from the overload of busy hyper energy and adrenalin and stress, super important if you are pregnant and useful for all of us.
  • Helps prevent you from leaking energy or being affected by ‘energy vampires’ when you can’t remove yourself form the situation or take time out.
  • Reduces the risk of crash burn and overwhelm instead replenishing and reenergising you in a quick enjoyable way.
  • Creates a healthy habit that you can apply all year round.

Golden Mother Energy Fountain Visualisation Instructions:

1.  Just before you open the door to see your client, or welcome your family or whatever your situation is Pause and take a couple of breaths in and out.

Little pauses in your day like this create big space over time. If you have forgotten and you are already half way through your meeting and feeling drained, start with a pause right now, its never too late.

2.  Feel your feet on the ground. You may like to stamp them gently or wriggle your toes. Sense how they connect you to the Earth and imagine golden tendrils spiralling from the base of your feet deep into the earth. Imagine they connect with the very heart of the Earth herself.

3.  Feel the energy flow up from the heart of the earth in through the soles of your feel, up your legs and through your body. Feel the motherly quality of this energy. Feel the gentle soothing love and big heart of the Earth energy swirling and moving up right through your body and filling you up.

 4.  Let it burst out from the crown of your head in a shower of golden energy that sparkles down all around you, hitting the earth around you in a perfect circle and being absorbed back into the earth.

5.  Allow this golden earth energy to be a protective shimmering energy field around you that protects your energy. Simultaneously the flow of energy from the earth stabilises and grounds you and re energises the parts of you that have been drained.

6.  The golden shower around you is sparkly and shimmering like thousands of little mirrors.These help to mirror any negative draining energy back away from you conserving your energy. They also shine and radiate their own light and golden energy so that simply by being in your presence the other person is eased and soothed.

7.  Now as you continue with your activity let this energy carry you. The care and love you offer is no longer solely your own energy. You are not depleting yourself to care for another. You are able to move and dance with this energy and let the natural flow of the Mother Earth energy move through you.You are not giving only of your personal love and energy ending up depleted and drained.  Instead you are allowing the infinite power of love to move through you, replenishing you and the other in a more effortless and sustainable way.

Photo by JD Weiher on Unsplash

So now it's over to  you. Click below to download an audio version  or just close your eyes and have a go. 

I love to hear from you, Did you enjoy this and find this helpful?

What are your favourite practices to maintain your energy in challenging situations?

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