Charlotte Kanyi

Author Archives: Charlotte Kanyi

Apocalypse or new beginning? Hope for you on the path to creating a new world for your child.

How bad do things need to get before we will collectively rise up and say no more?

As the world reels with yet another shock decision that so many didn’t really believe would ever actually happen, is it enough yet?

Have we reached that tipping point yet?

Have you?

What will it take to propel us out of the victim energy where we recirculate the same old stories- that we are too small to be able to make a difference, the system is too strong, nothing every changes, history repeats itself…

If history continues to repeat itself there will not be anything left for our future generation. And it is the younger generation who overwhelmingly voted for change, fairness, respect and equality.

Sadly it was not to be so just yet.

There were warnings. Comparisons with how Hitler came to power were made. The folly and risks of complacency were called out along with the call to vote, which ever view you supported. Can it really be true over 40% of the population of Britain and the USA, (that’s the % who didn’t vote for both referendum and recent US election) just didn’t care either way.

I don’t believe that is true.

We care. We are just a bit jaded and disillusioned with those in power who are supposed to be taking care of us all. But we care all right.

So many people are grappling with despair, depression and hopelessness right now, so many are terrified for their safety in these uncertain times, and so many feel powerless and speechless in the wake of this years events,( in which Trump as president is just the latest unbelievable result.) Oh We do care.

But we are also still stuck in the old story that we are powerless to make a difference. We are still living in fear of persecution if we risk sticking our neck out. It seems that even the dire warnings of climate change, the most recent of which suggest an accelerated global warming effect that could result in Earth resembling Venus within our lifetime have not yet been enough to shake us into action.

Yet, even in this climate of disbelief and fear I also feel something different happening. Something else is at play beneath what on the surface looks like a resurgence of dark power. A great love holding us and moving us forwards.

Ok so you do have to dig deep right now. The surface is pretty turbulent and it is not pretty. But get in deep and the turbulence feels more like the final desperate fight for life as the old way succumbs to death. Unfortunately It’s not going without a fight..

I am deeply sad that the transition to the new age happening this way but the deeper movement is soothing loving and is propelling us slowly but surely forwards.

I feel the collective terror too, I can understand the resistance and backlash to this change. After all we have lived through centuries of a patriarchal power imbalance and suppression of the feminine in pretty much all her guises and that wasn’t pretty either. I can feel your disappointment that we appear to be moving backwards.

Despite all of this and my sadness, I feel this deeper, grander love and it gives me strength to carry on when all is madness around me. When I would rather stick my head in the sand pretend it’s not happening.

These recent events have rekindled the fire that can’t ever be quite put out no matter how bad it gets or how futile my efforts seem in the short term. I have reached my tipping point and I am listening to that fire, that deeper love. I am moved to speak up and act. To stick my neck out and speak my truth with my message and my business – that in healing birth we can heal the world.

I am committed.

So what does that mean?

I’m not about to take on the political behemoths directly in a David versus Goliath fight. I am not stepping out of my zone of influence so far as to be lost, confused and ineffectual. I will not be perpetuating the fighting by judging, condemning and taking sides.

For there are no winners when we continue to place blame on the other, on the external. When we sit in victim energy and bemoan what is and what could have been, should have been or ought to be.

For this ugliness that has surfaced. It is not new; it is just more visible where it was hidden before. It has not come out of nowhere though it may seem like it. What has been suppressed is coming up and out to be healed and this is the key to the future.

Going in after those invisible, papered over wounds, to heal from the inside out is where the transformation, freedom and the new world we so long for lies.

Despite my own fears born of the centuries of suppression and persecution that have weighed particularly heavily on women and women’s wisdom that is where I am going for my answers. Healing within then stepping into my feminine power that has lain dormant for so long and longs for action. It can stay quiet no longer. It is time.

I am calling on my own inner power and reaching out to those closest to me, and that includes you, my dear reader, one of the women I serve. And I invite you to join me.

That is all.

The ripple effect of us coming into our own truth and power will do the rest.

Oh and the next generation of course. They are coming, not despite the chaos, but because of it. Not from fear of what could happen if they don’t act, but from love of humanity, the natural world and life itself.

You may be feeling right now that this is no world to bring children into. You may worry what the future holds for your children, or if there will even be one. Some of you may be delaying your children through fear. Your misgivings may even be leading you to consider whether to have children at all. This new, love-filled paradigm is the environment the future generation will be creating. It seems so hard right now, so far away, like an impossible dream you don’t even dare voice.

And to you I say this.

They are coming into a world that seems rife with violence and so much darkness. But that is not the whole story. Nor is it the whole of you.

We have a choice, One choice is to get mired down in the fear and continue as we are, perpetuating the myths, the misogyny, and the greed. This looks like whinging and moaning about the external world without clearing your own inner world. The one world you are sure to always live in and have some control over. This looks like sticking your head in the sand pretending its not happening.

Not too appealing?

The other choice is to hold the higher ground and be the new paradigm we are moving into.

Your child is coming for love. He/she has chosen you as the perfect vessel to mould their soul and take the world forwards in love not fear. You matter. You count. You are important.

Your child is asking for that new world to start with you.

The first environment your child knows is your womb. Your child will be cocooned in your womb for 9 months, a formative time in which your child learns all about the outside world they will inhabit by the state of your inner world as their mother. You are their whole universe for that time. The growing child has little sense of personal boundaries or distinct sense of self. He/she is absorbing your emotions, your patterning, and your belief systems.

So I ask, "What is the energy of your womb right now? Is it alive with the fire of the new way, whole, warm, loving and clear?" If so this dark, cosy, first home will feel warm, loving and safe and your child will be born confident and ready to take on the world.

You may sense instead there are old unaddressed wounds that need taking care of. You might worry how these and your state of being are affecting your unborn child. You may doubt that you are good enough for this job.

But your own inner world is the one world you can definitely do something about. You can take positive action to clear out old stories, out of date programming, your fears and trauma. The old stories of oppression passed down over centuries are ready to go now. Clear these fears, discover the joys of being alive, being a woman, being a mother. As you transform your inner world, so you transform the first home for your unborn child. As you clear your own fears and doubts about giving birth and move towards a confident, empowered birth, so you transform the way your child will be able to show up in the world. In easing your child’s passage to the physical world, you will be making a significant contribution to the shift this world needs right now.

I invite you to go there now. Go to your womb.

Feel her energy. Feel deeper. Ask her to show you the future, the possibility that is waiting for you and your unborn child when you have released the old and stuck in you.

Do you feel it? Are you ready?

To support you I am hosting a womb healing and meditation session on Facebook Live on Monday 14th November 2016 at 1pm Uk time.

Please join me to support yourself to feel uplifted and strong in these challenging times and know you are making a positive difference to your unborn child,

P.S. This may not feel comfortable at first. And I understand. I too stepped right out of my comfort zone by claiming my purpose behind my business publicly. It is not the first time I got brave and pushed the boundaries of comfort. But comfort zones only offer a fleeting and false safety that can be stripped away at any time. Still, you may have got used to comfort. You may not feel in the least bit ready to step out. If so know I too have been there. You may like to read about my un-readiness in starting a blog here and then again the same pattern as the birth of my second son drew near which you can read about here.

What I learnt is there is not some magical right time in the future when you won’t feel any discomfort. The only time that counts is now. You are ready. And I would love the company!

If these words move you please comment and share your feelings as we move forwards creating this new world together.

Guest Post: How to transform your birth experience from the inside out, by Dr. Gulara Vincent.

Today I welcome writer and law lecturer Dr Gulara Vincent to the BirthEssence Blog with a guest post about how completing unfinished business helped her transform her birth experience.

‘Unfinished business’ from the past can block your dreams. I learnt this lesson the hard-way through childbirth, and here’s how my journey began.

In November 2012, I was attending a Journey reunion in Birmingham. I was really into the Journey, a method of cellular healing developed by Brandon Bays, and these meetings gave me an opportunity to meet other people who knew this method too. We took turns to swap and give each other some free support. Each meeting had a practitioner who told us about their Journey path: what brought them here and how the Journey transformed their lives. As I sat on a chair listening to the speaker that day, I stroked my belly feeling slight movements of my baby. I was 18 weeks pregnant with a long-awaited baby. The speaker’s voice soothed me, and watching her face framed with long dark hair, I softened in response.

That speaker was Charlotte Kanyi.

I am not going to recount her story here because it’s hers to tell, but it touched me so much that I approached her during the break and started talking about her business. I had seen her business cards on the stalls during every re-union, and even took it home on one or two occasions, but never dared to speak to her before.

‘I have some anxiety around childbirth,’ I said. By then I’d been attending workshops in Stroud to do some ‘birth works’, a process which explored our own birth experience and also explained how birth impacts the child. It was in one of those workshops that the facilitator explained that women who have past sexual trauma may struggle giving birth naturally. The cells remember the invasion and may clamp up in response to the pain caused by a child trying to exit. To me, this was not the time to deal with past sexual trauma. My focus was on delivering my baby into the world, not dwelling on painful memories. It was better left untouched for now, I told myself, even though deep down I was still worried that past trauma can impact my chances of giving birth as naturally as possible.

‘I’d like to have a session before I give birth,’ I said to Charlotte tentatively.

‘If there’s anxiety, it’s best to clear it sooner than later. You don’t want to carry it throughout your pregnancy because the baby is aware of it too,’ she said.

Her words made sense, but I didn’t follow her advice on that day.

Soon enough though, life presented me with plenty more worries. I was classed as ‘high risk’ and a consultant at the Women’s Hospital saw me every two weeks. Each time, he looked for what was wrong. And of course, if you look hard enough, there’s always something to find.

‘Your baby’s head is quite big, and this is a big baby,’ the consultant said every time I met him. ‘You may need to deliver via C-section. And there seems to be too much liquid around the baby. We may need to pass tubes through his nose to make sure that his lungs are free and he can breathe properly.’

The idea of tubes being passed through the nose of my new-born baby was so distressing that I found Charlotte’s card and gave her a call. A few days later, I was sitting on a couch in her front room shaking uncontrollably as an avalanche of memories overwhelmed me. By the end of the session, I felt calmer and more at peace. Miraculously, the next time I saw the consultant, he said that the liquid levels around the baby were normal and there was no need for intervention.

I started seeing Charlotte regularly. Life kept throwing at me opportunities for ~~distress~~ growth. I was severely traumatised by the intervention of midwives during the induction, and the emergency C-section left me reeling with disappointment. I cried for days after the birth, and all the stress and tension culminated in two painful episodes of mastitis. I worried about everything all the time. The more I worked with Charlotte, the lighter I felt.

A little over a year later, I was pregnant again. This time, I had no second thoughts about diving in at the deep end to clear any ‘unfinished business’ which could impact my pregnancy and delivery. We worked to clear my past sexual trauma; the trauma caused by my son’s birth; fears around speaking up and standing up for myself when I was at the Women’s Hospital – the list went on and on. I remember vividly the first time Charlotte suggested that I could refuse to follow medical advice and even have a homebirth. Horrified at the idea, I gawked at her ready to run for my life. It took one session to clear that fear, and I came to realise that a home birth was the best option for me. I hired a doula and the home birth team at the Women’s Hospital transformed my experience of the last pregnancy and childbirth – there were no invasive scans with consultants looking for faults. Instead, there was a team of gentle loving women who saw natural birth after C-section as absolutely normal and even desirable. I felt like I had a personal cheering squad and their love and support were healing and nourishing.

When the big day arrived and I went into labour on the due date, I had a birthing pool in my front room. The birth team came to support me and my husband was there to hold me in the water. My labour was beautiful, almost ecstatic, and although I ended up having another emergency C-section, the birth experience itself was at the opposite end of the spectrum to my son’s birth; I was calm, confident, supported and in control.

In short, I’m living testament that when we shed off our emotional baggage, our experiences transform. Childbirth is no exception.

Dr Gulara Vincent is a writer, university law lecturer and a Momentum Mentor for Writers. When not writing or teaching, she helps women writers to release their inner fears and emotional blocks so that they can have a successful writing career.

You can connect with her at www.gularavincent.com, visit her facebook page or Twitter account @gulara_vincent.

Healing Birth To Heal the World: Time to step up a gear.

Healing Birth to Heal the World.

That’s a pretty big statement, right? One that I was not willing to see, hear or claim for myself… until now.

It popped out of me as I searched for the words to describe the energetic underpinnings of my business, rather than just what I do. I immediately dismissed it. Not the right words. Something like that but not quite that…

Except that when I spoke with two women who had been through my Birth confidence package and so who knew me and my work intimately, didn’t feel the same. They loved it. They both got goosebumps hearing me say it.

You know that feeling when you are onto something special. When something touches deeply to the core of your being and that part of you cries out in recognition. Your hair stands on end. You are quite literally electrified. Inside you this knowing part of you says YES. THIS. NOW.

Reacting from my instant resistance I said, Oh it’s too cheesy, it’s too much, and didn’t Bob Geldoff sing about healing the world once? Who am I to compare with that? Who on earth do you think you are? This is too much arrogance. I cringed with embarrassment at the thought of telling anyone that this was my message.

Then I saw it. My strong reaction matched the strength of the energy behind the message and I was scared to claim it. Scared of rejection, of ridicule and of committing professional suicide.

As I felt into the words I heard myself saying out loud. "This is dangerous. This is the kind of loving powerful transformation that Jesus Christ got crucified for. If I claim it I will become visible and that is too dangerous."

Now I’d seen it I had a choice, To let it slide on by and continue playing safe, helping a few women here and there in a nice beige kind of existence.

Or I could claim this message as mine.

As the guiding force behind what I do at BirthEssence. The principle that fires me up and really gets my passion flowing.

Well you can probably guess which one I chose. The words are currently plastered all over my facebook page. Once I decide to act I am all in.

So yes, I chose to stand up, right there in the heart and soul of the message and experience its full power. I felt my energy shift up a gear. I felt the vague unrest I had felt for a few weeks now dissolve as everything clicked into place. Despite some lingering echoes of the criticism and doubt what stands out most strongly is exhilaration and freedom. I am transformed and I can already feel how this will add to the transformation and freedom I bring to you, my readers and clients. How it will thread its way into the offerings I make and inform the various ways I support you to transform your birth experience.

As I sit with that I will leave you with a couple of questions.

What fires you up that you have resisted? What birth experience is waiting for you to claim? What transformation awaits you when you claim it?

These are not empty questions by the way. I am inviting you to take out a pen and paper or your journal and see what flows onto the paper. Acknowledge resistance if it is there as this will help to set it and you free.

Finally, in line with my current theme on visibility I invite you to be brave and share what you uncover on the Facebook Page.

Then all that’s left is to follow where it leads you. I look forward to seeing you there.

Still have pain and grief around a miscarriage? Try this compassion exercise.

I was so touched by the personal messages of thanks that many of you posted in response to my last blog post (about my recent miscarriage and my journey through grief.) I was nervous before posting such a personal post but felt that sharing my story may help others because miscarriage is so common. I hardly know anyone with children who has not experienced at least one, and if they haven’t, someone close to them has.

Common it is, yet it can nevertheless be a devastating experience and one that is not talked about so much. People can feel uncomfortable, wanting to offer support but not knowing what to say. Sometimes the wrong thing gets said. We may hear statements like, 'at least it happened early, you will be ok, you can try again and have another.' We may take longer to recover than those around us expect. We may not even have told anyone we were pregnant and so people and employers may not realise what we are going through.

And when we don’t have a chance to voice and release our pain and disappointment it can linger. It can be stored in our bodies and affect future pregnancies. We can carry those fears of loss right through as we prepare to welcome a new baby. A new baby learning about the world they are coming to through immersion in our inner-world and learning about the world they are coming to. Growing in an atmosphere of fear and grief is not what we want for the souls we wish to welcome to the world.

So today I am offering something a little different from my normal posts. A short compassion exercise using one of my healing tools called The Compassion Key. This exercise is for you if you are going through or have ever experienced a miscarriage and are still experiencing sadness and grief even many years later.

Compassion Exercise Instructions.

Make yourself comfortable and place your feet on the floor. You can be either seated with your back straight or standing, whichever feels best to you. Take a few deep breaths into your belly and let your focus drop down into your heart and solar plexus area. Imagine sending a bright beam of loving compassion inwards to your own heart and womb as you repeat the following phrases out loud.

Pause slightly after each phrase and allow any feelings to rise and pass through then move onto the next. Some may feel stronger than others, some may not feel so true for you but this is ok. The loving compassion energy will dissolve what needs to be healed and pass through if it does not apply to you.

Are you ready? Here goes:

I am so sorry your baby died inside you.

I am so sorry your baby was only here for such a short time.

I am so sorry it wasn't their time.

I am so sorry you miss them.

I am so sorry you didn’t want them to go.

I am so sorry you don’t know if you will see them again.

I am so sorry it hurts so much.

I am so sorry your grief is unbearable.

I am so sorry your grief is never-ending.

I am so sorry you worry it may have been your fault somehow.

I am so sorry you wonder if there was something you could have done differently.

I am so sorry you feel so alone.

I am so sorry no one understands how much pain you are in.

I am so sorry you can’t tell anyone.

I am so sorry you are taking a long time to heal.

I am so sorry you are sad.

I am so sorry you can’t move on.

I am so sorry you had to push your grief down to carry on.

I am so sorry you kept your sadness hidden inside.

I am so sorry you didn’t have time to grieve properly.

I am so sorry you had to be strong for your family.

Take a few more deep breaths and allow yourself to integrate the shifts. When you are ready feel your feet on the ground again, take a few sips of water and thank yourself for taking this time to support and nurture yourself.

So my lovely readers. How did you find this compassion exercise? I would love to hear from you about what challenges you face going through miscarriage and how this exercise has helped you.

“Do you have a message for me?” I asked through my tears and grief.

“Remember,” she smiled. “Remember you are this too… “

I took a deep breath. Something in my brain couldn’t quite compute this message.

Me? Could I really be this too?

I was connecting with my unborn baby and she had just said good bye. She was not to be born in physical form - this time at least. Though I was reeling with the shock and pain I was hugely comforted by her presence. She was so gentle and loving. I felt her to be a wise sacred being and I was in total awe of her Divine Presence. No way was I Divine and Sacred like that.

But she smiled, she nodded and as I in a confused state of shock, hesitantly and reluctantly accepted her message, it was time for her to leave.

She’d made herself known with the same gentle wisdom even before I was pregnant. During a specific guided process, I had met her across a bridge. A small girl who nevertheless packed a huge punch in the sacred presence department that left me blasted wide open in love.

This is the energy of the future I reflected later. These are the children we are welcoming to the planet right now, this is part of the evolution of humanity, the consciousness that wants to be born on this planet at this time. Amazing.

And she was ready to come to me. I was delighted and quite blown away. I felt my heart open with love each time I remembered that first meeting... But did I feel worthy? Was I equally ready for her to come to me?

She came anyway. I knew it before the lines on the stick confirmed it to me. So I set about preparing for her arrival. For me that is always at least as much about the inner work as the practical. When I align my inner world the outer journey is always an easier ride.

But it wasn’t to be.

One day shy of 15 weeks I began to bleed. Two days later a scan confirmed what I already knew; they were very sorry but there was no heartbeat.

The next few weeks were a blur in many ways. Ordinary life continued as I waited for the miscarriage to complete. First the denial phase of the grief process. Perhaps I could magic her back to life. Perhaps it hadn’t really happened and the scan was wrong… Crazy thoughts. The grief came in waves. In those moments I would surrender to the emotion. My heart breaking, my existence consumed by one long scream of pain.

Yet into my raw and wounded heart, and through the confusion of overwhelming and conflicting emotions, her parting message kept niggling at me. I had accepted her message and its powerful energy so wanted to come alive in me. But as yet I could not fully believe it and everything that was not in alignment with it was being thrown up my way.

Which would win out? Well it was a tough ride. Truthfully I did not feel equal. I did not feel worthy to be her mother. In fact, I felt totally unworthy to carry such a child. I felt I was the bottom of the heap, way, way lower than her in some kind of spiritual hierarchy. I was nothing in comparison.

As I worked my way through my unworthiness I saw the scale of this problem. How so many women put themselves last. How so many neglect their own needs and sacrifice themselves for their families. How this unworthy pattern plays out in a myriad of different ways for women and how it cannot continue as we welcome in the next generation of children. Of course there is a paradox. Just because we don’t believe we are worthy or equal doesn’t make that true but if we don’t believe it how can we live it? How can we effect the changes we want to see in the world? And how will it impact those who are coming in if they have to wade through a foggy energy field of unworthiness?

I started out totally unable to fathom that I could be a soul of equal worth to my child and that we had an agreement between equals. Deeper and deeper I spiralled into the layers of how I didn’t feel worthy until at last I broke through into the spacious knowing that I was equally worthy and Divine as she.

Different yes. I am me and I came earlier. My energy is different to hers. But different no longer meant lesser. Prior to this I could spout along with the best of them about how we are all equal even if different without fully believing it was true for me. Now I got it at a deeper, visceral level. There was a knowing that could not be shaken.

It also feels timely. After centuries of oppression women are indeed rising up and speaking out, calling for change. A new feminine power is forming. One which I hope will not alienate or suppress a true masculine power but complement each other in a rising dance of spirit. It is time for us all to rediscover and embody our full worth as women, as human beings and as mothers. For ourselves and for our children, It IS time. And there is no time to waste.

Already I am noticing profound differences in how I am showing up. I am peaceful inside and less triggered by my children being children. There is a joy in being alive bubbling up that I can tune into. I don’t have to constantly prove myself so there is less push. That has been reflected back to me by others. My voice has changed. Clients go deeper more quickly and with less efforting on my part. My son keeps coming and hugging me.

So in the end although I wouldn’t have chosen this path to self-worth I am deeply grateful for the gift of this pregnancy and birth. It has been a powerfully transformative rite of passage just as a live birth would have been and I am looking forward to watching the shifts continue over the next weeks and months.

If you have experienced miscarriage and want to clear your cells and being of loss and grief before you welcome your baby. Or if you can feel something holding you back from being the mother you really want then do check out my 121 services where I support women like you to release stored trauma and pain and birth in confidence.

Previous Post What if I can't cope with pain of labour?

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What if I can’t cope with the pain of labour?

Photo by Jernej Graj on Unsplash

'What are you doing? Come back to bed.' I dimly register the plaintive plea from my sleepy and confused son, but replying is difficult.

“I can’t, it hurts.” I manage in reply.

In fact, ‘it hurts’ is a massive understatement. Lying next to him was excruciating and it is barely better now I am standing by the bed. It was some time past 11pm and he’d woken twice already sensing something unusual. Each time I lay down he closed his eyes, instantly soothed. I meanwhile gritted my teeth and willed myself, against all my instincts, to stay still just a little longer, in the hope he would sleep deeply enough not to be disturbed when I got back up.

The third time I couldn’t do it. I got up and started walking, pacing the room with giant strides back and forth, back and forth as fast as I could.

It helped. I breathed more easily.

Then another wave of pain swept over and through me. I kept breathing. But I felt myself tense, involuntarily bending forwards to meet the rising sensations and hearing panic give voice to suddenly fearful thoughts.

Red hot searing pain for a minute of eternity and the words ‘What if I can’t cope?’

‘I can’t not cope,’ the internal dialogue continued, ‘This is what I do for a living, helping other women find inner confidence and trust in their body so they have amazing birth experiences. I have to succeed. Otherwise I will be a total fraud.’

With the panic, came guilt shame and crashing realisations. ‘Now I get it. Now I understand why some women beg for epidurals, caesareans, anything to take the pain away.’ I felt myself tumbling down from my superiority into humility, appreciation and empathy.

But still the fear and panic persisted with the refrain, ‘What if I can’t cope, what if I really can’t do this?’

There is a brief pause between contractions and in the respite I resume walking but a little slower. I have remembered what I forgot during my first birth- The NPA Process. NPA stands for Non Personal Awareness and it’s a simple 6 line process that can facilitate huge shifts quickly and easily.

The time is definitely ripe for some big shifts and I know exactly where to begin.

‘This scared I can’t cope, I say out loud . This energy of Scared I can’t cope…’

My son watched silently, slightly perplexed as I completed the sixth line and my walking slowed to some moments of stillness. I felt myself falling into the centre of myself. Around me the energy swirled and eddied. Reality rearranged itself.

A new wave of contractions starts.

Physically it is exactly as before. I am half doubled over in pain equally as intense as before.

This time though I emerge grinning in delight. For the next few contractions, although nothing at all about the level of pain has changed I am practically skipping for joy around my room. I no longer need to frantically pace either. Time has slowed and I have slowed with it.

So what happened?

In just a few moments my whole perspective on what was happening changed. The fear left me as my question was answered. I now knew that I could cope. I knew. Not hoped, or guessed, or rationalised or tried to talk myself into a state of positivity or self belief that I wasn't feeling. I knew from the depths of my being, from the marrow in my bone. From my heart and soul and back again I knew I could do it.

This was a true knowing that could only be experienced. It was not forced or rationalised. I did not have to give myself pep talks and remind myself of the historical statistics of successful births and the biological normality of what I was doing. I did not need to engage my neocortex and rational brain for support.

I could truly let go and trust in something so much more simple than that.

In this simplicity all the head talk and pressure evaporated along with the fear and I moved into the experience. Like in my previous post on experiencing fear in the context of trust I was now held in the context of knowing I would cope and all was well. Note: not could cope but would cope. It was a done deal that I couldn't argue with. So I didn't argue or question. All drama in the situation had left along with my doubts.

This whole doubting, worrying, panicking consciousness in fact left with as little drama as you might move from one room to another in your house. Which is in fact exactly what I did.

I moved to the bathroom and although I didn’t register it at the time the pain did finally diminish.

By the time I was pushing it was gone completely.

Although the pain left, the best gift was precisely that the pain didn't disappear immediately. That was my big agenda right. That was what I thought I needed to happen in order for all to be well. That would be success. I wanted to be proud of my pain free achievement and paint some credibility over my insecurities and self-doubts as a birth worker.

That the level of pain had become largely irrelevant and didn't matter to me any more was pure freedom. That I'm writing about it now, 2 years and 9 months on feels apt as Freedom is my word of the year for 2016.

There was another shift that happened in that moment too. Surrendering fully to the energy shift of that one NPA Process, (the only one I did in my whole labour,) paved the way for me to let go of all my remaining ideas of how the birth should go and allow the labour dance to unfold in its own way. Which was a good thing as I was plugged into the strongest most exhilarating flow of life force energy I have ever experienced. Like being wired up to the National Grid or perhaps holding a lightning rod as the lightning strikes. I would not have liked to have been trying to control or manage that against its will.

This surrender and letting go of the need to control how my life experiences and feelings show up is also part of my journey in freedom. Just thinking about that brings joy singing to the surface. It sounds like the song of my soul. And I hope you hear her song in my words and in her song you hear your own song and that this post sets off some inspirational shifts in your own journey.

Do let me know in the comments.

Curious to know more about The NPA Process and how it could help you? Please click here.

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Fear in the context of trust: Expand your focus to ease your way through difficult emotions.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

I am on the toilet. Time is meaningless to me. I have danced too far along the path to meet my baby to be completely rational. Only thing is, neither me nor my husband have quite caught up to fast pace of my baby’s arrival…He is about to trot off to try and put the pool up. I am about to have the baby in the timeless eternity that has inserted itself into about 15 or 20 ordinary minutes.

As I said I am on the toilet. I won’t go into detail but to say that it is an intense experience is an understatement.

For a moment I begin to panic. What is happening to my body? Is this normal? How can so much power be coming through this small person? Will I cope? My mind was worried for me and the concerned thoughts were triggering more layers of anxiety… Oh OK then, more like terror, that hovered just on the edge of my awareness threatening to take over.

But wait there was something else too. I changed focus to my body. Instead of floating terror there was a grounded peace. It was pale yellow and surrounded me on all sides, present both inside and out. My body actually wasn't touched by the fearful thought, it was just getting on with its job and was completely confident. All was well.

Now I had a choice. Did I reside in the terror and let it take me, or did I allow the peace to breathe me. For a few minutes there was a bit of to and fro movement.

Then I made the choice. Or the choice made me. My heart opened up in gratitude and softened in the peaceful energy. My body began to push and I started roaring like a lion.

I realized as I journalled later that it didn't matter that I felt terror because I was bathing in a different energy that was so strong and confident that it could hold the terror. This was my fear being held in the energy of confidence and peace. As long as I tuned into this greater awareness that was holding me I was OK. It was more than OK. It was liberating. I could allow all of my experience to flow through, even the tricky, so called negative emotions.

This gift of being held in a wider perspective that could hold my less desirable emotions was revealed to me through a tool called The NPA Process. The NPA Process is a deceptively simple 6 line spoken-word transformational tool created by Joel Young that helps you let go of blocks and powerfully shift your consciousness.

It was during a practice session on an NPA Community Call that I first experienced the power of accessing a different context in which to allow something challenging to be fully met. Fear rose up strongly in me during the call and I thought I wanted the fear to go. To disappear and leave me alone so I could experience something more fun, more pleasant, like say peace or joy and also get the satisfaction of feeling, Yes I've cracked it and got rid of my fear… Nope. Like mist lingering in the lower reaches of a valley untouched by the rising sun the fear persisted, heavy in my stomach, rubbing up against my shoulders, gripping me by the chest.

I was about to be disappointed and frustrated when the shift happened. I suddenly felt trust. A deep powerful trust in life and in the process. I trusted that I would be OK even with fear present. It felt like angels whispering in my ear that all was well. It felt like a reassurance I could believe in, that I could depend on and.,. well that I could trust. This was fear in the context of trust.

It was slightly surreal to feel both simultaneously, but was a greater gift in the long term than getting rid of the fear would have been. It meant I no longer had to be so scared of feeling fear. It meant I didn’t have to wipe out every last drop of fear from my being to be sure I would be successful. It meant I could live in peace with fear and hear her gentle messages and the wisdom she was paradoxically guiding me towards.

It also gave me choice when fear came up and this certainly served me giving birth. No matter how much emotional preparation we do for birth, (and I did lots), it is impossible to predict what may happen and to what depths of your soul the labour dance may take you. Knowing I was held at every moment and could choose where to put my attention was reassuring to the doubting, worried parts of me that weren't up to speed with the all is well nature of my birth experience.

Back to the toilet. Fear and terror didn't stay there for long in the end and neither did I. As I focused on trust and peace, the space opened up around me and I opened up with it. Gradually the fear dissipated on her own and I moved to the shower.

Somewhere along the three steps it took, (we have a small bathroom,) another shift happened. Those three steps danced me too far along the labour dance to listen to my mind anymore and I just kind of got on with it with no more drama or story. I finally accepted what was happening and quietly dropped down into my womb and went to meet my baby.

We welcomed my second baby into this world right there in our small bathroom! Below is a picture of the cheeky chappie a couple of years later ( he didn't want his baby picture of him in the shower on the internet)

Gorgeous Gatecrasher to my photoshoot

Want to learn more about the transformational power of NPA? Click here* to read all about The Process, or try it out for youself with this FREE NPA Process Sheet*

(affiliate links*)

If you are plagued by fear and would like to experience some shifts of your own check out my 1:1 services or book a clarity call to see how I can help you.

Are your emotions charged with excess baggage? Try this.

Sometimes when I name my emotions I feel like the wheelbarrow in the picture above. Loaded down with the years, lifetimes perhaps of what that feeling means to me and has meant in the past. This post shares a simple exercise you can try to get under the accumulated weight of meaning attached to your words.

Words have power.

The way we use these words makes a difference to our experience. We can make positive affirmations to support our intentions. We can explore and name our emotions and journal our thoughts to help ourselves move through challenging situations. Or we can use them to metaphorically beat ourselves up with a stick.

Even the very words themselves have a strong energetic field. Some words can feel uplifting and strengthening, others may feel heavy and pull us down. Some words may feel heavier than lugging excess luggage around an airport on a trolley with a dodgy wheel.

When the gargantuan reality of the luggage is totally belied by the innocently light label it is attached to, I have often wished I could wave a magic wand and magic away the luggage entirely.

Whilst I am thinking figuratively this also brings to mind our family holidays to my husband’s native home, The Gambia...

...I brace myself, bend my knees keep my back straight and pull swiftly upwards swinging yet another bag onto the conveyor belt to be weighed. I am nervous. Will we be over the limit? We are getting some curious stares. Most people on this flight to The Gambia are English tourists. They have the lightest of bags suitable for a winter sun destination. Some look like they only have hand luggage.

We on the other hand have not one but two trolleys piled high with bags of every size that have been carefully weighed at home to get as close to the maximum limit as possible. We have something like 85 kilos of luggage wobbling around on the overloaded trolleys. I am also carrying a toddler in my arms and a baby in my belly. I can barely be seen beneath all this stuff.

Fast forward thousands of miles and a couple of days later the hot and dusty baggage makes it to its destination having survived the aeroplane, taxi, boat, bus roof and even wheel barrow rides. A knife rather than a magic wand cuts loose the tattered luggage labels but it nevertheless magically seems to release more than the kilos and kilometres our aching muscles have endured. Minus the extra luggage we had brought for the local school and for my husband’s extended family I feel free and light as a bird.

Whereas on holiday we had to physically carry heavy bags attached to our luggage labels, in life we are not beholden to the past history of the words we use to describe our emotional state. As we journey through life our brains attempt to make sense and categorise our varied experiences. When we encounter new situations it tries to work out if we are safe or not based on previous experience. Sometimes that’s ok. Sometimes it’s a bind.

Sometimes our words can be concealing heavy excess baggage that we may have been lugging around for years. The weight of the word may be like trying to lift a Mary Poppins bag of just in case items.

When we say we feel fear, do we mean the kind of fear that we get when we are nearly run over by a bus? Do we mean the kind of fear we feel when under pressure in an exam? Do we mean the kind of fear we feel when we are about to jump from an aeroplane for our first parachute jump? Are we responding to the current fear or to all the times we ever felt fear, particularly if we squashed it down and forced it to be stored in our cells?

Whenever the emotion is out of proportion to the situation in hand there is an invitation to do some inner healing work.

Here is a simple exercise* that is useful if you sense that the label you have assigned to your emotion is part of the problem; If you feel that underbelly of consciousness that has got tangled up in the word is getting in your way and muddying the waters, it will open you freshly in the experience and offer you a new perspective.
(* Special Thanks to Joel Young the founder and custodian who first introduced me to this idea)

It’s called “Take the label off.” It’s kind of self-explanatory and it goes like this.

1. Name your experience or emotion and notice how you feel as you do.

2. Take the label for your experience right off and throw it away. It may help to imagine getting a big pair of scissors and to cut the cord that attaches the label to the body of energy consciousness.

3. Tune in again and notice how your experience differs when you are simply experiencing what is arising without and reference points. It may help you to make sure your feet are firmly planted on the floor and you are breathing deeply and steadily into your body as you do. Have an intention to allow whatever arises and stay still in the centre of that. Be open and curious.

Without the label I experience a pure connection with the energy of the situation, a little like the connection I can feel to a stranger when participating in silent meditation together.

This exercise works well on emotions such as fear and it also works very well with concepts like Pain. Pain is one of the most quoted worries of labour- Will I be able to cope with the pain? I feel like I am splitting in two? I am not good with pain… are common refrains.

Pain in labour is not the same as pain from an injury but we use the same word to describe very different experiences and we may trigger our body into reacting as if we were in danger rather than in labour.

What happens when you take the label off and just feel what is actually happening? For me that was totally freeing. I could feel each muscle in my body working, I questioned what each sensation meant to me now I was not using the word pain. I got very interested in what I was actually experiencing in the here and now. My body felt heard and appreciated. I felt freedom even as I was feeling what in ordinary direct language pain is still the closest adjective I can find to communicate. The full story of how I was able to cope with intense pain and move smoothly through transition is the subject of a whole other post.

For now I will leave you with a quote from Ina May Gaskin that illustrates this exercise very well. In response to a woman’s question about labour she replies;

“Don’t think of it as pain, think of it as an interesting sensation that requires all your attention.” *

This quote could also expand into a whole post on the nature of life and the freedom of focusing on present moment awareness but I think you probably get it so I’d rather leave you to go off and play with the idea.

Let me know in the comments how you get on and I will be back soon with some more discussion about how to manage fear and other tricky emotions..

* From the book Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin, page 43.

Fear: Friend or foe? Shift your perspective with a helpful acronym.

Photo by Alekon pictures on Unsplash

How do you respond when fear grabs you suddenly?

Fear can be tricky and confusing. It’s hard to maintain perspective when you are in the throes of a strong emotion like fear. It can Impair your intuition and cloud your usually good judgment. Is it a genuine warning signal of danger to act on now or is it overblown panic triggered by old memories stored in your cells or negative thought projections? Sometimes a little bit of time breathing into the emotion in a space of stillness is enough to bring you back to the ground and allow some inner wisdom to penetrate. Sometimes it takes a little more and over the years I have found lots of helpful little tips to support me to reframe my experience.

At first I used to panic and shutdown when I felt the stirrings of fear in my belly. When fear ran riot I would feel the urge to run, to shut it down, to do anything other than sit in stillness and let it run through until I could feel a more solid base through the emotion.

I thought of fear more as an enemy and obstacle to overcome than a friendly messenger. I saw her as something to push away or push through and had no idea of the possibilities that would open up if I welcomed her and experienced her with as much willingness as I would joy or happiness.

This pattern was particularly acute in pregnancy. I was vulnerable and open like many pregnant women. Birth is not an activity you can repeat until you get it right, nor is it entirely predictable and I felt the pressure which fuelled my fear.

I persevered with the innerwork and nowadays I see her as a useful friend who serves to keep me on track and motivates me to dig deeper for freedom and peace. Not necessarily a comfortable friend mind. The physical sensations that alert me to fear are the same, quickening of the pulse, shakiness in my belly for example.

I can still get scared when I’m feeling fear. But I have a number of tools and tips that help me out. One of the earliest breakthroughs came from playing with the letters of the word itself. I created an acronym that totally freed up my way of experiencing fear. This ability to let the scaredness run through without letting it run me into hasty fear based decisions took some practice. I had deep grooves and was used to freezing up in the face of fear.

However, with a new perspective I suddenly found fear much easier to handle and without squashing it down was able to work with it and still keep going towards my goals. I remember the first time very clearly and use it as a reminder whenever I forget. The overwhelmingly frightening experience of fear as stronger than me dropped away and I moved from powerlessness to an exciting sense of possibility.

Ok so enough explanation. Here are my two perspectives on fear: The first is the way I used to experience and see fear and the second is my experience using my acronym.

F.E.A.R. Frightening Energy Always Returns.

Looming blackness hovering round the edges of my vision, dread, like a dead weight pulling down at my stomach, pulling my leaden feet down into the earth so I can no longer move, crushing my chest so I can no longer catch my breath. Panic, swirling round me so fast I can’t keep up or make sense of the sensations. I can’t think straight. It’s stronger than me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do it anyway. I just want to get out of here. Now.

F.E.A.R. Fresh Energy Appearing Rapidly.

I notice the quickening, in my breath, in my being and all around me and I stay still. I know it is just energy. I feel it moving fast towards me and through me and I keep breathing. Even though my breath catches at first, I stay with it. I send myself love and compassion and I wait. I breathe more deeply and I find I can appreciate this strong energy as it moves and I stay still in it. I notice the speed of the energy. I feel its vibrations. It buzzes. I keep breathing and I am still alive. I calm and I begin to see. I am still here. The whole world has not ended. All will be well. I am brave and I open fully into the energy and I move through it. I remember that I can do this. The message becomes clear and I can move beyond, richer for the experience, stronger for the journey.

How differently did you feel as you read each description?

If you read quickly skimming through then have another go.

You may like to take a pen and paper or journal to note down any insights.

Shake yourself into a neutral place before starting then go back and read each one again slowly. Feel your way into each statement and notice how you are sitting, how you are breathing and how your body responds to the words. After the first statement bring yourself back to neutral then read the second one through in a similar way.

How did you experience it this time?

For me contemplating Fear as fresh energy appearing rapidly feels like freedom. I am much more able to cope with fear when it is just energy and it helps me to meet that particular fear freshly each time. Somehow it loses its charge. Its power to cripple me and leave me enslaved to its demands is gone

Of course the trick with any tool is to remember to use it especially in the beginning.

If you like this idea write it out and pin it up somewhere prominent and try reading it out when you next feel fearful. Take a few minutes just to feel the energy moving whilst you stay still and see where your stillness leads you.

No matter how much emotional preparation we do during our pregnancy (and I do highly recommend innerwork and emotional preparation) we cannot be sure we will not meet our old friend FEAR just around the corner at an unexpected and possibly vulnerable moment. Shifting my perspective and transforming my relationship with fear has been fantastically freeing for me and I hope you will also benefit.

Do let me know in the comments how you find it.

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